Craig's wedding - 6/18/1999

My Best Friend

Russell Francis Theriot - My husband and best friend

                September 3, 2003, changed our family's lives forever. That was the day we received Russell's official diagnosis--frontotemporal  dementia, a condition that causes progressive degeneration of the anterior temporal lobe (the decision-making and behavior control center) and frontal lobe (the language and emotion control center) of the brain. Simply put, Russell's brain was shrinking; and his ability to think, reason, and remember was beginning to deteriorate. This condition would only get worse. There is no cure. The doctors could not diagnose which particular type of dementia his was (there are many forms). They thought it was probably Pick's Disease, which is a very progressive form.

                The URL below provides information about what this terrible condition (it is not a disease) is and some of the symptoms to look for:

http://www.ask.com/health/galecontent/frontotemporal-dementia?o=41648103&l=dir

     Another very useful link with lots of free advice and links to other sources:

http://pensymptoms.com/?source=adwords&camp=ps-I&group=Dementia%20Symptoms&k=dementia%20symptoms&network=content

                I have never felt more helpless in my life. Just knowing that there was absolutely nothing we could do to stop it or to change it was unbelievably painful. We knew his condition would deteriorate, and eventually he would die from it; we did not know how long that would be. The doctors could not predict.

                I did not want to accept it. Russell was one of the smartest people I ever knew. He could talk to anyone about anything, and he had an amazing memory. I think he remembered everything he had ever learned in his whole life! This simply could not be happening to him.

                As I mentioned in Anna's blog, the way Russell took care of our little Anna was amazing.  Anna was his angel from the very beginning, and it pained me to see him become less and less attached to her as his condition worsened. These are some of my favorite pictures of him with Anna. She was very young in both of these. These pictures were taken before she got her feeding tube. She is a little bit older in this one picture (see the hair).  As she got bigger, Russell and I both missed being able to hold her in our arms. 

                Later, as I looked back, I remembered a couple of incidents in the year prior to our doctor visit where Russell did, in fact, behave rather strangely. I remembered one time when he had called me at work, in the middle of the day. I said, "Hey, hon, what's up?" He said, "I just wanted to hear your voice." I think now that he might have been reaching out; I think he knew something was happening but didn't know what it was or what to do about it.

                I also recalled another incident at home. I was washing dishes and was obviously not finished yet. He walked into the kitchen, pointed to the mess on the counter, and said something like, "Look at this mess; aren't you going to clean this up!" Of course, it never occurred to me that this was a symptom of something wrong. I got my feelings hurt and ran into the bathroom, sat on the floor, and cried like a baby! (Typical female reaction, huh!) He had never said anything like that to me. He later apologized. I should have realized then that something was wrong. That was not Russell.

                He was also the most unselfish person I had ever known; and as his condition got worse, his personality changed drastically. He never became belligerent or paranoid as can sometimes happen with dementia patients. He just became more and more childlike and sometimes reacted to the grandchildren as though he himself were a child.

                I want to share just a couple of stories about the Russell I knew in the hopes that anyone reading this can get a real understanding of how special he was and how debilitating this condition can be. Russell was always very romantic and loving. I used to marvel at how he could pick out the best greeting card in the whole store, no matter what the occasion! He always found one that summed up exactly how he felt and that always made me cry! It actually got to the point of being a contest between him and me--one which he always won! On Valentine's Day, 2005, Anna was in the hospital, pneumonia again. I had spent the day at the hospital with her and was going to stay there until Sandra, Anna's night nurse, relieved me. Russell had been with Craig all day, and I had asked Craig to bring Russell to the hospital so he could wait there with me for Sandra.

                On his way to the hospital, Craig had to stop at the grocery store; and when he and Russell walked into the store, Russell immediately headed for the greeting card section. Craig had to follow him! Russell picked out the most beautiful Valentine's Day card and picked up a single rose also. I don't think Russell was talking much by then either. When he and Craig walked into the hospital room, Russell had this funny-looking grin on his face and immediately handed me the rose and the card. He was so proud, and I was so touched. I couldn't believe it! I didn't think he had any idea what day it was.

                This is my favorite story of all time. (I have lots of them). This one happened on June 1, 1994. That was my first summer to establish residency at Mississippi State. I was enrolled in a doctoral program there, and part of my requirements included spending either two consecutive semesters in residence either on or off campus OR two consecutive summers. Since I was still teaching, I was going to live in Starkville two summers in a row for that purpose.

                My son had an apartment in Starkville and was not going to attend summer school , so I decided to use his apartment. The first day of classes was June 1. June 1 is also our wedding anniversary (that was our 26th). I had to leave Vicksburg on Sunday, May 31, to make my classes on June 1. I know I cried all the way up there!

                At the end of the school day Monday, I returned to my two-room apartment and tried to do some studying. Back then the cell phones were those big, clunky things that seldom worked. I was so lonesome! I decided to try to call Russell. The phone did not work, so I decided to go use the payphone at a local grocery store near the apartment. I grabbed my wallet and my car keys, and I opened the door. When I looked down into the parking lot (I was on the second floor), there was Russell getting out of his little Toyota King Cab with a fist full of wildflowers! He wanted to surprise me. As he was coming into town, he had spotted a field of wild flowers next to a popular restaurant and just helped himself to a bouquet!! I could not believe the timing, though. It was like a movie scene! He had to get up very early the next morning to get back to Vicksburg (a 3-hour drive) in time to go to work. That is who Russell was!!!

My side of our extended family

                I could not possibly talk about Russell  and how his condition affected our immediate family without also talking about our "extended" family--on both sides. I am one of five children, and the  support and constant prayers of my brothers, sister, and nieces and nephews during this time meant so much to our family. My sister lives in Little Rock; two brothers live in West Monroe, Louisiana; and one in Houston, Texas. Here is a picture of this part of our extended family taken one Thanksgiving, I think BEFORE the diagnosis, or perhaps the same year, 2003. The picture is of not only my siblings, but also our nieces and nephews. They all thought so much of Russell, and I can't thank them enough for all their support!

Wilton, Kathleen, Annette; Bret, Chris,  Ed, Russell, Bob, Bart

                Russell was one of eight children--the first seven were boys, and the last one, a girl. When Russell became completely bedridden and we could not travel anymore, it seemed as though some of  his family members were always coming to visit, and that  meant so much to Russell--and to me. We always went to South Louisiana for Christmas, but because Russell was completely bedridden by then, we couldn't in 2008. Instead, we rented a lodge outside Vicksburg that could accommodate our entire group. His mother, every one of his brothers, his sister, and their children all came up to Vicksburg so we could celebrate together. For Christmas, 2009, our first Christmas without Russell, we again rented the lodge and spent Christmas together there. We all felt this was what Russell would have wanted.

                Throughout Russell's illness, one remarkable thing was so noticeable to all of us. Even though Russell could not communicate verbally with any of us, every single time any of his family members (usually a brother!) started retelling (for the 100th time!!) a story involving the family (especially stories about when they were children), Russell would laugh and giggle as though he understood every word. We knew he still connected, and that meant the world to all of us! And, of course, the stories just kept coming.

Caribbean cruise, summer 2005

                Part of me wishes I could share with someone the special relationship Russell and I had. But then again, I should be the only one to have those memories. And I do have such wonderful memories. I still dream about Russell all the time. They are always good dreams; I have never had a bad dream about him the whole time since he died. Sometimes the dreams are about him and our immediate and/or extended families, and I wake up feeling comfortable and warm. Sometimes the dreams are about only me and Russell, and I wake up feeling even more comfortable and warmer. I feel as though he is right here. I treasure those dreams and those memories. In fact, I pray every night before I go to sleep that I will dream about him that night.

                I will always miss Russell. The pain is getting easier, but I will never stop missing him. I know, however, how very blessed I am to have had him in my life. Some people go through their whole lives and never have what we had. I'm grateful for all the past memories I have of Russell and of Russell with his grandchildren. And I am looking forward to creating new memories with our grandchildren because I know that Russell will be there, too.

                I sometimes walk in our national military park (during the cooler months!), and I always listen to the songs on my iPod. My favorite one summarizes exactly how I feel and will always feel about Russell. It was the theme song to the movie UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL  starring Robert Redford and Michelle Pfeiffer. The song is entitled, "Because you Loved Me," and is sung by Celine Deon. If you get a chance, look it up. Every single word in the song makes me think of Russell, but especially the chorus. I thought this when I first heard the song a long time before Russell even got sick. After I lost him, though,  it has meant so much more to me. Of course, I cry the whole time I am walking, but it makes me feel as though somehow I am talking to him and telling him this; and that gives me some comfort. This is the chorus:

                "You were my strength when I was weak,

                 you were my voice when I couldn't speak.

                 You were my eyes when I couldn't see,

                 you saw the best there was in me.

                 Lifted me up when I couldn't reach,

                 You gave me faith cause you believed.

                 I'm everything I am because you loved me."

               

                I know of at least a couple of people who are following this blog who are experiencing some of these same feelings--others who have a loved one diagnosed with dementia. I hope you will continue to read and don't be afraid to send me a comment, ask me a question, anything. It's hard to understand the helplessness one feels when caring for someone with dementia. I want everyone to know that you are not alone. I had lots of help; and I would like to share anything I can with you or your family members to help you get through this difficult time.

               

                This is not the end of my blog. Russell's death had a tremendous effect on all his family and, I am sure, his friends also. His life, however, had an even greater, positive  effect on everyone who knew him.  I will continue to write about Russell, especially those times he spent with his grandchildren. Besides, I know that there are so many times yet to come that we will say about one or the other of the grandchildren, "That's SO Russell!" I would also love to see a comment (it can be just one sentence) from anyone reading this blog about something memorable to them about Russell.

               

                I have attached several pictures at the end of this blog of Russell at different stages of his life. I remember the dates on some of them; some of them I don't. This is how I and, I'm sure, his entire extended family,  want to remember him.

His "Clint Eastwood" period

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, our FAVORITE place

Our wedding day, 6/01/68

Sheri's wedding day; we renewed our vows

NLU, sorority party with Sheri

This is Russell when we first met

At his Mom's Family Reunion, San Marcos, TX

Our last Christmas in Gueydan

Landon and Russell napping--1999 or 2000

Wilton and Russell

Russell with brother, Bob, Texas ranch

At my parents' house; he's so handsome!!

Our young family at Dudda's (San Marcos, TX)

Russell, Ed (brother), and friend Tom, pig roast, St. Michael's

One Theriot Christmas-Russell is telling some story!

 

 

 

 

Russell with Sis, Annette, Retirement Luau, Summer, 2004